young and hostile, but not stupid.

05.16.2012

Honestly, every time I start to think about how different my life is and how much happier I am, I start to cry a little bit. I know it seems incredibly too soon, and borderline crazy to think my life was that bad because it wasn’t but mentally, I was worn down.

From being diagnosed with a disease which I allowed to take over my life for a while, and I sabotaged myself by not taking my medication, knowing the consequences of this. I’d been beaten down too many times, I followed around someone who didn’t care at all for me, or at least didn’t treat me as such, and allowed my school to suffer, something I can never go back on. I felt like shit, I hated myself and treated myself like shit because of it. I’m lucky however, to say that that place will be the lowest point I will ever experience because of one person.

I will never understand why, but for some reason, he actually waited for me. He put up with my bullshit and my shitty self for far longer than he should have. But here we are. I have never ever been happier and never will. I wish I could speak more eloquently on the subject but it’s near impossible. From the day we became friends I knew there was something about this kid, I knew he was perfect but circumstances didn’t permit me from pursuing my feelings so I shunned them. I thought I loved before but that was nothing, that was a poisonous dependency on any kind of affection I could get; NOTHING at all compared to how I feel now, my admiration for him keeps growing and I know I’ll never want or need anyone else. I’m certain that I love him and I love that he reassures me that I’ll never have to be without him.

Mark my words, if anything ever happens, I will become a crazy cat lady.

You’re what keeps me believing this world’s not long dead
Strength in my bones and the words in my head
They pour out to paper, it’s all for you